Santa's Mad!
“Santa’s Mad!” started with a simple question: what happens when Christmas wish lists stop looking like wish lists and start looking like financing applications? Phones, gaming rigs, giant TVs, electric bikes, next-day shipping, terabytes, Bluetooth pairing... at some point, even Santa has to wonder what happened to teddy bears, bicycles, and a nice wooden train.
The song follows Santa through the full holiday meltdown, from reading over-the-top letters and watching the elves struggle with modern technology, to overloading the sleigh with oversized electronics and trying to deliver all of it to houses that do not even have chimneys anymore.
“I got reindeer, snow, and magic, but I ain’t got an Apple Store.”
There is plenty of Christmas chaos along the way: cracked credit cards, sold-out gifts, doorbell cameras, exhausted reindeer, giant TVs, and one increasingly irritated man trying very hard to keep the “Ho, Ho, Ho” alive.
But underneath the jokes, “Santa’s Mad!” is really about something much simpler. Santa is not angry because the presents cost too much. He is frustrated because somewhere along the way, gratitude started getting lost beneath the pile of stuff.
Then one little thank-you note changes everything. A child who simply loves the bear Santa brought reminds him why he does it in the first place. By the end, Santa may not be quite so mad after all... although apparently sincere gratitude is still enough to get you upgraded to a pony.
Santa's Mad!
Verse 1
Dear Santa, I’ve been good this year,
I only want a few.
A brand-new phone, a gaming rig,
And maybe something blue.
A scooter, headphones, sneakers,
A tablet for my room.
Oh—and if there’s time, a giant TV
With surround sound and some zoom.
Santa read the letter twice,
Then once again real slow.
He looked at Mrs. Claus and said,
“Since when’s this how it goes?”
Pre-Chorus
Used to be a wagon,
Maybe skates or a baseball bat.
Now I need a spreadsheet,
A password, and an app for that.
Chorus
Santa’s mad! Santa’s mad!
And the elves have had enough.
You asked for twenty-seven things
And every one costs too much.
I got reindeer, snow, and magic,
I can squeeze through any door,
But I ain’t got an Apple Store—
What happened to wanting less, not more?
Santa’s mad!
Yeah, Santa’s mad.
Verse 2
The elves can build a rocking horse,
A train, a doll, a drum.
They can paint a wooden firetruck
Before the cocoa comes.
But somebody yelled, “What’s terabytes?”
Another cracked a screen.
One elf said, “Boss, I build toy trains—
What does ‘Bluetooth pairing’ mean?”
So Santa grabbed the credit card,
Went shopping late at night.
“Out of stock.”
“Ships after Christmas.”
“Only two left.”
“Yeah, right.”
Mrs. Claus walked past the screen,
Saw the total, nearly fell.
“Nick... what in the North Pole
Did you just buy?”
Santa said...
Pre-Chorus
The elves are tired,
The sleigh is packed,
The credit card is cracked.
I’m supposed to make all this appear
And still be home by snack?
Chorus 2
Santa’s mad! Santa’s mad!
And the elves have had enough.
You asked for twenty-seven things
And every one costs too much.
I got reindeer, snow, and magic,
I got cookies by the score,
But I ain’t got next-day shipping
At the North Pole anymore.
Santa’s mad!
Yeah, Santa’s mad.
Verse 3
Christmas Eve, the sleigh sits low,
The runners scrape the snow.
Rudolph turns and looks at Santa
Like, “You sure this thing will go?”
Used to haul some teddy bears,
A bicycle or two.
Now there’s three big-screen televisions
And a gaming chair in blue.
First house—no chimney.
Second house—a dog.
Third house had a doorbell camera
Watching through the fog.
Fourth house had a tiny roof,
The package weighed a ton.
Santa whispered, “Ho, ho... NO,”
And somehow got it done.
He climbed back in the sleigh and said,
“Eight billion homes to go.”
Rudolph looked straight back at him.
Santa said,
“Don’t.”
Chorus 3
Santa’s mad! Santa’s mad!
And the reindeer know it too.
There’s a fifty-pound electric bike
Where the teddy bears once flew.
I got rooftops, ice, and weather,
And a schedule I can’t ignore.
Who asked for the seventy-five-inch TV?
You don’t even have a chimney door!
Santa’s mad!
Yeah, Santa’s mad.
Verse 4
Christmas morning, Santa’s home,
His boots are finally off.
Mrs. Claus brings cocoa,
He gives one tired little cough.
“We did it,” Santa whispers.
“Another Christmas through.”
Then the North Pole monitor lights up
With the things the children do.
“That’s not the color I wanted.”
“This isn’t the Pro.”
“Mine only has five-twelve gigs.”
“Where’d the other present go?”
Santa slowly lowers his cup.
An elf backs toward the door.
Mrs. Claus says, “Nicholas... ”
He says,
“I’M FINE.”
Then—
“Anybody check the mail?”
Bridge
Next day.
Nothing.
Two days.
Nothing.
One week.
Nothing.
Santa checks the mailbox.
Nothing.
Checks his email.
Nothing.
Checks beneath the door.
Nothing.
An elf asks,
“Any thank-you notes?”
Santa just stares at him.
Then beneath the bills and catalogs,
One small envelope appears.
“Dear Santa,
Thank you for my bear.
I love him.
Tell the elves thank you too.”
Santa doesn’t say a word.
Then he smiles.
Final Chorus
Santa’s mad! Santa’s mad!
But it ain’t about the price.
Santa’s mad! Santa’s mad!
He just wants you to be nice.
You don’t need a mountain of presents
Stacked halfway up the tree.
A little bit of gratitude
Means more than you can see.
I’ll bring the toys,
I’ll make the trip,
I’ll fly through wind and snow,
But Christmas ain’t about how much
You pile up down below.
Santa’s mad!
Well...
Maybe not so mad.
Outro
Santa picks up one more letter.
“Dear Santa,
I don’t need much.
Maybe one toy.
And please tell the elves thank you.”
Santa smiles.
Looks at Rudolph.
Looks at the elves.
Then says—
“Get that kid a pony.”
HO! HO! HO!