One of the things I learned pretty quickly after becoming a Big Brother is that mentorship is not about having all the answers.
It is not about sitting a kid down and delivering some perfect speech that suddenly changes the direction of his life.
Most of the time, it is much less dramatic than that.
It is conversations in the car. Questions over lunch. A comment made while walking through a car show. A disagreement. A mistake. A quiet moment when a young person finally tells you what is really going on.
Those are the moments when the real work happens.
As a Big in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, I have always tried to give my Little the same foundation I tried to give my own kids.
To me, those are not complicated ideas. They are the pillars we should all try to live by.
But simple does not always mean easy.
There have been times when my Little and I have had long conversations about choices he has made, things happening at school, frustration with other people, expectations, confidence and what kind of young man he wants to become.
Some of those conversations have been easy.
Some have not.
Sometimes mentoring means cheering from the sidelines. Sometimes it means asking a question a kid would rather not answer. Sometimes it means telling him something he does not particularly want to hear and giving him enough space to decide what he is going to do with it.
What I have tried to make clear is that these values are not rules I invented for him.
I am trying to live by them, too.
Respect goes both directions. If I expect him to listen to me, I have to listen to him. If I want him to admit when he is wrong, I have to be willing to do the same thing. If I tell him integrity matters when nobody is watching, then it has to matter in my life when nobody is watching, too.
That is one of the things people do not always tell you about mentoring.
You may sign up because you think you have something to teach a kid. Then somewhere along the way, the relationship starts holding a mirror up to you.
You find yourself thinking harder about the example you are setting.
You become a little more careful about whether your actions line up with the advice you are giving.
And occasionally, you realize the kid sitting next to you has taught you something without even knowing he did it.
That is where “Stand Tall” came from.
Not from one lecture, one bad day or one dramatic breakthrough. It grew out of a lot of honest conversations over time about confidence, choices, character and what it means to become the person you want to be.
When I started writing the song, I did not want it to sound like an adult preaching to a kid.
I wanted it to sound like encouragement.
Because young people are going to make mistakes. Adults do, too. The goal is not perfection.
The goal is to build enough character that when life gets difficult, you have something solid to stand on.
Those are lessons for a 12-year-old.
They are also lessons for a 60-year-old.
And everybody in between.
I am proud of the progress I have seen in this young man. I am proud of the questions he asks, the way he is beginning to think about his future, and the moments when I can see something we talked about months ago quietly showing up in the way he handles himself today.
He is still growing.
So am I.
That may be one of the best parts of being a Big.
I am proud to say this young man is going places.
I do not know exactly where yet. Neither does he.
That is okay.
My job is not to choose the destination for him. My job is to help make sure he has a few good tools for the trip.
And the confidence to stand tall when life tests all three.
Maybe that is what mentoring really is.
Not changing a kid's life in one giant moment, but showing up often enough that hundreds of small moments begin to add up.
“Stand Tall” is more than just a song to me. It is a reminder of those conversations, the lessons behind them, and the responsibility that comes with having a young person trust you enough to listen.
I hope the song speaks to you the way those conversations have spoken to me.
What is Big Brothers Big Sisters?
Big Brothers Big Sisters is a mentoring organization that matches caring adult volunteers, called “Bigs,” with young people, or “Littles,” to build supportive one-to-one relationships that can help kids grow in confidence, character and opportunity. If you’d like to learn more about becoming a Big, supporting the program, or getting a young person involved, visit GoBigTampaBay.org.